I am a 50 years old Christian and I have been married to my 49 year old wife for almost 15 years. In short, she hates my family. I have my father, two brothers and their wives and children. My mother died of cancer when I was 17. My wife and I met a little later in life and we both opted to not have children. We have been married before and had no children with our ex spouses.
My wife didn't have the greatest of childhood. Her parents were constantly bickering and her younger sister seemed to steal the spotlight. She nor her sister were never physically abused. She told me her sister ruled the household when growing up and felt she was always on the back burner. She has told me she always wanted the family who does things together, but what I think is she wants is a family similar to a television show where everything works out and there are no problems. Her parents have seen the error of their ways and have made great strides in being more considerate and loving.
It seems that anything my family does, she manages to find something that she believes is a dig against her. For example, she can't stand it my father has given my brother financial support. She believes that I should get something equal and me not is believed to be favoritism. I personally don't care about that because my dad helped me in college. Also it seems like if someone forgot to mention an activity my nephews had, she believes it was intentional and they didn't want us there. She seems to find something in everything which leads her to believe she is despised by my family. Another thing is Facebook, which I now believe is mostly an engine of destruction. She will see an innocent post of my brother and his family at the movie theater and takes that as them not caring about us by not inviting my wife and I. I listen to her very carefully when I respond to her. I tell her that my family does care about her, but she won't have anything to do with that. I believe she thinks I am naive and looking at this through a skewed lense.
Now my family isn't perfect, but not anywhere near some of the bad families I've encountered in my life. Not me nor any of my brothers have been incarcerated, got a girl pregnant out of wedlock, cheat on our spouses nor do drugs or alcohol. My father has always been the biggest cheerleader for me and my brothers and I attribute that to the unconditional love he has for us.
Finally, I told my family about how she feels about them. I could tell over the phone my dad was hurt. He later told me he didn't sleep well for the next few days. I told my brother and he didn't understand. I told him about the forgetting of invitations to family events and he did make a better effort to include us, but that seemed to not be enough.
My wife and I have gone to the same church for about 10 years. My brother and his family also go to the same church. Now, she doesn't want to go and now we haven't been in about 3 months. They tell me they are praying for healing and I have been doing the same.
We went to counseling about 4 years ago on this subject and try to work through this. It was me who first suggested counseling and she didn't want to go. After a couple of sessions ,she agreed to go with me. I took some things away from that, like standing up for my wife. I did this by talking to my family more and expressed to them how she feels. She was asked by the counselor why she cared that my dad has helped my brother? It wasn't affecting our relationship. Her response was something like it wasn't fair. I personally don't think that was resolved.
Now, it has gotten to the point she won't attend any of my family events. This hurts me greatly. I am the type of person who enjoys spending time with family, whether it is hers or mine. I once spoke to her parents about this situation and they told me there was nothing wrong with my family. I knew they were sincere when they told me that. All of the encounters with her and my families have been great and enjoyable.
I am now to the point that something has to change. I have been contemplating on seeing a psychiatrist. My nerves are in tatters and I've had very poor quality of sleep. In fact, I have been put on anti depressant and anti anxiety medication.
In short, I still love her and want to be married, but I am not sure if that is obtainable. I have done so many things for her over the years. I surprised her for our 10th anniversary by taking her to Paris and London. I have given her practically every gem known to man for various occasions. I have also let her work only part time so she can finish her degree. She has only taken one class per semester and she is about 30 credits away. I have been very patient and lovingly told her she needs to pick up the pace. She has been on this track for 4 years now.
I have tried to talk to my wife about my concerns and feelings, but everytime we do, she ends up crying. I am very self aware of what I say and how I say it. I am always taking her feelings into consideration and putting mine second. I always try to be a good husband, whether is is helping with the housework or cooking meals, but I am really wondering if that is enough. I am not sure if we are going to make it. I really want it to. She is a good person and is the life of a party and she does love me.
In closing, I don't know what else to do beyond what I have already done. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thank you and God bless!
TL;DR! My wife despises my family.
Submitted December 18, 2016 at 04:04PM by Praaxis98 http://ift.tt/2hJse0B
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