My stepmum told me after getting back from the gym(!!) that wants to start eating better, drinking less, and exercising more because she thinks that there's no reason she can't do it given I have 'done it.' I know her health issues from drinking/bad eating are starting to catch up with her too so I feel like I actually believe her this time. She did say she didn't think she could always eat like me though but she can do it 'sometimes.' (lol) but I can't decide how to feel about this. I'm underweight and my life is controlled by food.
on one hand:
- if people think i am the picture of health, they won't suspect i have an ED (good)
- i feel like my family respect my decision to be vegan and see it as 'healthy' so i can be calm about it and don't have to worry about them being rude or disrespectful
- if they don't suspect i have an ED and just think I am a Super Health Nut (tm) then I have a good excuse to get out of food-based social stuff
- christmas is coming up and if I eat differently it won't be seen as a disordered thing
but also:
- it hurts that i'm suffering internally and people don't recognise that
- i feel bad that my bmi is this low and people still think i am healthy
- i feel bad my bmi is this low and apparently im not thin enough for people to think i'm actually sick
- i don't want my family to care about nutrition because then they might start paying more attention to my food
- similarly, i like that we eat differently, because then it's so easy for me to continue cooking for myself and myself only and I don't have to eat anything they cook
I don't know. I feel like normal people don't need to 'decide' how to feel either but this whole thing feels so weird. Have any of you ever been through something like this (particularly if you're underweight or close to it??) because this won't stop playing on my mind as I feel like I can't reach any kind of conclusion about it.
Submitted December 16, 2016 at 06:35AM by woollyshirt http://ift.tt/2gIhtt6
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