I used to have a really good relationship with my mum. We got on well, talked a lot and generally, things were nice. Until my brother [30m] moved in with us. He couldn't afford to live in his apartment, so he moved in with my dad. He owed my dad about $2000 rent, and was running up huge bills in his house, so my dad's partner asked him to leave. So my mum took him in. My brother also brought his girlfriend along, who had a perfectly good job and home herself, but for some odd reason gave them up.
So both my brother and his GF moved into my mum's house and it was super crowded with all of us. I ended up giving my bedroom up to my brother and his girlfriend and sleeping on the floor in the living room for 6 months, since there was no room for me. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and household chores around the house, and tried to be as helpful as possible. My brother and his girlfriend did nothing.
My brother constantly created mess and so did his girlfriend, and I could not keep up with it. They would deliberately hoard cups and dirty plates in their room and only bring them down once I had set the dish washer running. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but they did it every time, even when I asked if they had any dirty plates in their room, they'd say no, then bring them down once I set the dishwasher going.
They did a lot of other things and eventually I told my mum, because it was stressing me out. She told me to leave them alone and ignore it. My mum has always seemingly favored my brother. He was always praised and encouraged and was even praised when he dropped out of three college courses and became jobless. Everyone was scared of upsetting him because he once cut his wrist and my dad said it's because they don't want him to 'get bad again'.
As such, I feel like he's the golden child. He's always been praised and encouraged and supported. When I began college at 17, people scoffed and told me I wasn't smart enough and did not approve of my study of music. My brother jumped from police training, to computer and IT to design and then dropped out of all three and no one batted an eye and he was supported about it.
I admit I am jealous of how my brother is treated. He's very charismatic and over time I found my relationship with my mother got worse the more he was around. She began doing things with him and not me, she'd cancel plans with me to do things with my brother and she'd often compare me to his girlfriend who was very feminine and girly, where as I'm a tom boy. She started talking to me less and less while I was in the house, and I felt more and more pushed out, and less like I was part of the family. I felt like an outsider in my own home.
I spoke to my mum about this, and her response was 'I wish you didn't feel like this'. But nothing more. Any other time I brought it up, she got annoyed with me.
In the end, my dad said I could move in with him, so I did. I have my own room here, and my dad generally treats me pretty good. I get on with him and my bond with him has increased dramatically. His partner doesn't really like me, and complains about me all the time because she hates how I tidy things away and she can't find them later, but other than that, it's good.
However, since I moved out, my mum has just never bothered with me. She doesn't call me, she never texts or replies to my texts, she doesn't reply or even read facebook messages, they never get the 'read at [time]' receipts, and when I ask her, she openly admits she does not read them. Where as she used to ask me if I'd like to go places with her, now she just takes my brother and doesn't ask me. If I want to speak to her, I have to go to her home, or call her cell phone over and over until she picks up.
This has been over the course of a year, and honestly, it feels like my mum is phasing me out of her life at times, but what's so confusing is she's so happy to see me when I visit or call. But she never makes any effort to get in contact with me. If I don't call her, she'll go months without calling me. I left it two months once and she didn't contact me once, so I called her. I've told her she can talk to me or call me and she said she knows, but she never does. I feel as if my brother has replaced me, and she's not interested, but she doesn't seem to care when I address it with her.
Am I being over sensitive? I feel like I've lost a really good relationship with my mum and that I've been replaced. Should I just stop calling her? She seems like she doesn't care if I don't, since she never calls me or contacts me. Should I slowly phase my mum out? Even though I don't want to? I just feel like it's all one sided and she doesn't really want me around.
Submitted December 31, 2016 at 03:25PM by SledgehammerC http://ift.tt/2hWWBQb
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