Wanted to bounce something off you guys.
I have two step kids (6 & 9) and my own 13 year old. They're very different kids from a personality standpoint. Step kids are strong willed and defiant....which will serve them well in life in some ways (like they'll probably not suffer in underpaid silence because they are afraid to ask the boss for a raise), but it does present the occasional/hourly problem with things like: "Put on your shoes." "Get in the car." That usually leads to my wife fussing at them, telling them the same thing 20 times, frustration, etc. Meanwhile, I'm silently thinking, "God....just enforce your instructions, woman! Don't give them a command unless you know what you're going to do if they don't comply. You are teaching them that they don't have to do what you say until you repeat yourself 20 times and raise your voice." (as an aside.....I issue very few instructions to the kids for that exact reason).
It's how they grew up and that's water under the bridge.
But, I had this bright idea to implement a system where they get a token for promptly following the instruction. For example, you aren't getting your token for putting on your shoes.....you get the token for following the instruction. It's not rewards for good deeds and chores, it's a compliance issue. What I like about it is that it requires the kids to PAY ATTENTION for possible instructions (i.e. you can't even hear the instruction if your mouth is running a mile a minute or you're just not paying attention when an adult speaks to you) and COMPLY promptly when asked to do something. I also like that it makes me less prone to give COMMANDS because I don't want to be giving them 20 tokens per day.
It's caused major problems two days in. For one thing, the kids don't seem to understand that it isn't good behavior and chores. Wife doesn't seem to really get it either and is telling them they can get a token if they get a good behavior report at school. One kid does it right by catching that I'd asked them to do something and complying.....then other kid is complaining that it's unfair and I should give them a chore to get a token.....which isn't the point. Wife complained that one token was awarded when the instruction was "go play in the other room because I'm cooking" (which was deemed to be punitive.....and she generally doesn't react well any time I point out behavior issues with her kids, so I perhaps should have known better).
ARGH!!!
Now it's just a big fat mess.
So, questions:
1 - Is this concept just too darn complicated for kids that age? Am I asking them to do something that's just beyond them? (because that would be unfair).
2 - I'm considering telling the wife that I'm just going to make this MY system. It's important to ME that the kids do what I say and this is something I want to teach them in a purely positive way. This would take me out of the role of refereeing when she issues an instruction and it isn't followed and pointing out that they missed a chance for a token.
3 - Should I just shut the whole thing down because it's going to be more trouble than it's worth unless I can get my wife 100% on board?
I'm a little frustrated because I feel like I found a POSITIVE way to encourage a step-kid behavior that I wanted.....and now it's getting bastardized into more rewards for the behaviors my wife already rewards and not touching the thing I wanted. I guess I felt like I came up with a creative solution (since we steps can't just go around spanking and yelling) and it's kinda getting screwed up.
Submitted February 01, 2017 at 09:21AM by dogs94 http://ift.tt/2kVpJIQ
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