My brother Nathan and his girlfriend Alexa have been going out since high school, and she was his first girlfriend. Their relationship is causing drama in our family and we (my parents and other brother, Kaleb(24M), and his fiance Nadia(25F)) are worried that she is taking advantage of Nathan's and my parents' generosity and could potentially harm Nathan's future.
My parents are extremely generous people. They bought a house for my brothers to live in together while attending college, and allow Nadia and Alexa to live there rent-free. The house has now become a battleground with the amount of drama and arguments that go on between Kaleb and Nadia vs. Nathan and Alexa. Alexa holds a hard grudge against my brother Kaleb, since Kaleb is often stern with Alexa when she distracts Nathan from studying or neglects to pitch in with cooking/cleaning. Alexa often will ignore Kaleb and Nadia when they try to initiate conversation with her, and she does her best to avoid contact with them and mostly stays shut in Nathan's room. Alexa sends Nathan out of their room to cook her food or fetch things in the house. Alexa will also leave the house for days at a time without telling Nathan or the others. This tension is already taking a toll on Nathan's relationship with Kaleb, and Nathan has also admitted that Alexa talks a lot of trash to him about Kaleb and Nadia when they are alone. We fear that Alexa is causing a rift between Nathan and Kaleb, and by extension Nathan and our family.
There is also a red flag in the difference between Nathan's and Alexa's situation with school and work. Alexa's parents kicked her out of their house and offered her no support with paying for college or rent. Alexa has student loans and has recently been accepted into an expensive veterinary school. Nathan will graduate this spring with a cushy job already in place with a high salary. My parents also happen to be high-ranking surgeons and professors at the vet school Alexa will be attending. We fear that Alexa will use Nathan's money to pay for school, and our parents' status to help her in vet school and land her a job.
Nathan and Alexa have also bought a dog that only Alexa wanted. Nathan admitted to not wanting a dog, however they still went through with the adoption and Nathan pays for and takes care of the dog now, along with free vet care from our parents.
Recently, my parents paid for an amazing European vacation for our family, and paid flights, accommodations, and meals for Nadia and Alexa as well. Nathan and Alexa stayed stuck together and often avoided the rest of our family. Nathan talked to me about how he thinks Kaleb has changed and is annoying and loud now. I think that Alexa is coercing Nathan into resenting Kaleb and the rest of our family, which really scares me.
When Alexa and Nathan had a break-up scare a few months ago, Nathan completely lost it. I am afraid that there is an unhealthy codependency going on, made worse by the fact that Nathan has few other friends outside of Alexa. How can our family approach Nathan about his relationship, and help him to look outside of it and see what is really going on?
tl;dr: My family is afraid that my brother's girlfriend is making him resent the rest of our family, and we also fear she is using him for his money and our parent's status at her school. How can we approach the situation?
Submitted January 08, 2017 at 04:54PM by mypoorbro http://ift.tt/2iSpalq
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