I am F/39/HL married to M/41/HL for 15 years, togehter for 18, plus we have a 5 yr old. We haven't had regular sex in about 3 years. We used to at least 4 times a week.
My husband is chronically depressed and I got tired of it about 6 years ago. Every thing in our house revolved around him and I was responsible for everything (he didn't work, I did all cleaning, cooking, laundry ect.). I really dont know what he did with all of his time. But at some point I got tired of it and lost much respect for him.... however we still had regular great sex. After much talk and no changes (he wouldn't go to therapy for example,) we seperated and I met a man that was a good example of the kind of partner I wanted. (We did not have an affair but it might have happened if he were closer.) The things I thought he needed were some friends and a job and some hobbies. He did not have any complaints about me. (In fact he still says Im great and every thing is great besides the sex thing. I don't think he is being honest but...) He got a great job after almost 10 years of not working and we got back together, but after awhile I finally decided to divorce, but then found out I was pregnant. So now we have a young kid and no sex for going on 2 years (only a few times). He still has no friends or hobbies and directs all his complaints about the world to me.
He believes my libido is gone but the truth is I dont really want sex him any more. The times we have tried he doesn't even try to take care of me, doesn't touch me or try to make me orgasm, just wants to put it in and expects me to love it. He thinks this means Im low libido and he is high libido. But in reality I masturbate a few times a week (and he does too). I avoid sex because I know it will be unsatisfying. In the meantime his depression persists and he is angry all the time. He glares at me, complains about every thing and even resents our kid. I am trying hard to make sure our kid and him have a good relationship but the kid regularly says he doesn't like his dad. I don't believe my husband is a good father figure right now and I'm sure that feeds into my lack of desire for him. A few things I need help with...
I find myself still fantasizing about the man I met while we were seperated. I havent done anything about it but am having trouble comparing my husband to him. I dont know that its fair to my husband but am having a hard time regaining respect for him. I also have a total wandering eye although I have never cheated. There is nothing wrong with my libido.
For the first time in my life I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I am tired alot and have gained alot of weight.
How can I make sure anything negative my husband and I feel for each other is not so apparent to our son?
A few months ago I asked for seperation but it didn't happen because we have a lease to satisfy and can't do it without each other. He responded by finally going to therapy and getting on anti-depressents.
It is personal torture to be stuck in limbo and indecision. What do I do to take some action one way or the other so I'm not stuck and miserable? He is miserable too.
Submitted January 01, 2017 at 01:05PM by k--hdruz http://ift.tt/2hDpGzh
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