Background info, we've been together for 8 years, married for one. We have a 1 1/2 year old son whom when he was 6 months I left my career as an esthetician to be at home with. Husband and I agreed on this life change together as we had no reliable sitters and daycare was also not an option.
We knew it would be tougher with one income but survivable and everyone would be a lot less stressed with this arrangement (baby happy that mom is home, mom happy to be with baby, dad happy that wife and baby are happy and no longer has to call out of work due to unreliable sitters and therefore received a wonderful promotion) so ya see, everyone was happy, or so I thought.
My husband received a promotion he deserved ages ago but could not attain as he was calling out frequently to stay home with our son. While I was working we traded days off when sitters were sick or could not sit etc this resulted in one of us calling out of work every other week, consistently. So being able to be at his job made a vast difference in his work and was given a nice raise. This was especially welcome since his was now the only income.
I don't want to say how much he makes but it is enough for us to afford a house payment, a car payment, phone payments, all our regular bills, dinner out once or twice a week + fun outtings during the month. So you see we are not suffering, we maintain a milder lifestyle but still afford to have experiences and dine with friends etc.
Anyways, on to the problem. Last night we got in a disagreement about how I've been missing him since he's been so busy (promotion came with more hours obviously). This lead to a spat about how it isn't fair to him that he works so hard and pays for everything and I still ask for more of him (his time) when I don't even contribute to the household.
I was dumbfounded. He said other things along the lines of I get to lay around all day while he's the only one who has to stress about bills and paying for food so how dare I act so selfish when he has the short end of the stick. I was crying by now because I felt AWFUL and hate when he's upset because he IS a hardworking loyal man and devoted father and I hate that i sounded like I was nagging enough to get this rant out of him.
He told me I needed to start contributing. My jaw dropped and I asked him if financial assistance was his only idea of "contributing" and in so many words he said yes. I told him how unfair that was when we agreed to make this work out, and I do ALL THE CLEANING, ALL THE COOKING, 95% of the child raising, schedule all our medical/dental appointments, decorate the house to his liking, host dinners for his family and friends, pack his lunch for work every day, make him coffee every morning, etc etc etfuckingc!
He then proceeded to tell me how he wouldn't mind doing his own laundry and then said "you clean the house all day because you're cleaning up the messes the two of you make" meaning me and our son. So basically if I wasn't home I wouldn't have a mess to clean?? Oh and it's all OK cause he'll wash his own underwear sarcasm
You guys WTF DO I DO?! Divorce is NOT an option. Shit happens and I'm willing to figure this out because I believe if I was with another man just a different issue would arise. I'm going to work on this but I need help understanding who's right, who's wrong, who's ignorant?!
For what it's worth I'm EXTREMELY hurt. When he left for work this morning he held me and kissed me and told me he loves me so much. I could see sadness in his eyes and his voice was quiet but it's like he never said those shitty things and doesn't realize that I'm so hurt even though I definitely vocalized it.
I almost want to just find a job and pay for a good daycare and bring in the dough like he wants but is that the right thing to do? I'm so baffled how he's hid this resentment for a year when we've generally been very very happy and life is going smoothly. There's still the issue of him acting like I don't contribute, I literally do everything related to our child and home, how is that not contributing?!? Ahhhhgghh
I'm mad, sorry Reddit, please help me navigate this.
tl;dr: I'm a sahm. Last night husband said I need to start financially contributing because I don't contribute to the household so it's selfish of me to request more of his time or affection. Claims he's the only one stressed about money and it isn't fair even though he treats us to family dinners and outting on a weekly basis. Told me I'm lazy, selfish and he has the short end of the stick.
Submitted January 31, 2017 at 05:55PM by Sahmplantkiller http://ift.tt/2kNS58M
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