I'm his second mom!

First time poster, blah blah blah. TL;DR at the bottom!

So to start this off I've gotta give a little background. I'm a housewife, or as I jokingly refer to as a stay at home mom with no kids. I just realized how relevant that is. My husband works at a ship yard and works the afternoon shift. No biggie since I'm at home all the time I cook and clean. I enjoy cooking but not so much cleaning but I still do it cuz who wants to live in a mess? He gets off work at 11:30 pm and gets home around 12:15. I usually have dinner done right when he opens the door.

Normally I'm fine with all that. Until you get to the nitty gritty. I don't cook one night? I'm starving him (he says this jokingly but after a while of hearing the same joke you kinda wonder if he means it). He suddenly doesn't know how to make a sandwich. Can't make a bowl of cereal.

God forbid I make dinner around 10 and put the leftovers up. I don't leave him a fully made plate sitting in the fridge? Once again, I'm starving him. He somehow finds himself without the ability to make a plate or eat out of tupperware. Oh, btw he does that all the time. The next day he'll just grab tupperware and a fork and go to town.

How about if he cooks for himself? Nope. He can't cook. Nevermind the many times he's cooked for me in the beginning of our relationship. Besides my food is so much more tasty. It'd be a waste. Make his own plate and drink? Nope. He's had a long day hiding in a (very roomy) closet half his shift.

Since cooking is out of the way, let's move on to cleaning. I keep a clean house and it's easy to clean for two reasons: 1) Since it's always cleaned all I have to do is a general pick up and every so often some heavy cleaning, i.e. scrubbing the bath tub, dusting, all that jazz that isn't day to day stuff. 2) We live in a tiny apartment. Super tiny. Super easy to keep clean.

So what's my problem? Every. Single. Day. He leaves for work, "Be sure to clean up. This house is a mess." After leaving his junk everywhere. Dirty clothes? Sitting in the living room floor because that's wear he takes them off when he gets home. The kitchen's a mess? He destroys it making his lunch (thank god he makes that). Bedroom has clothes every where? He's dumped a clean load of laundry on the floor and bed getting dressed for work. Refuses to pick it up. I've asked him sooo many times to pick up after himself.

Do you realize how infuriating it is to have someone tell you to do something that they know you're going to do irregardless of whether they say it or not? I branched out one day and asked him not to say it anymore. "Why is it bothering you?" DING DING DING! YES IT'S BOTHERING ME! But does he stop? No. His official response is "One day I won't say it and you'll forget to do it." Hahahahaha, funny aren't you? Me? Forget the one thing I do, day in, day out, rain, shine, sick or healthy?

A part of me feels that I'm being a total asshole. That it's not really all that bad and I should suck it up. That I'm just complaining to complain because that's what I signed up for. He works, I take care of the house. That's totally reasonable! Maybe I'm just nit picking, that it's not even worth being angry, that I'm just being irrational. OR maybe I'm the bad guy in this all?

The reason I say I'm his second mother is because everything he expects me to do is exactly what his mom did for him. She'd wipe his ass and all he'd have to say is please. Nevermind that I'm his wife, his partner in life, I'm his step in mom.

TL;DR: Husband never cooks or cleans, which is fine, but takes initiative to make me do even the most basic things everyone should do for themselves.

Sorry this is so long. Definitely wasn't expecting that. If, that is a big if, you enjoyed reading, I may post more. How he feels about our finances, how I'm supposed to do even more mommy work, our failing sex life, my completely and totally horrible memory problems, the children discussion, my guilt trips, or the big doosie, the one to kill them all, how I'm so incredibly disrespectful to him.

I honestly wasn't expecting to post this but by the time I got to the end I realized that I want and need to hear some feedback. Am I completely ok feeling this way or am I just trying to justify myself? Don't sugar coat it if I am in the wrong. I just need some semblance of peace of mind.

Submitted February 28, 2017 at 04:37PM by tootiredforgames http://ift.tt/2lmn3nh