Long but bear with me. Only PM if serious or with questions. Please be trustworthy and understanding, I need to be reassured and encouraged.
I am crazy and obsessive and am bipolar when it comes to lifestyles so just bear with me. I am simplistic on some things but I get jealous easily, especially since I had rough teens years, however what I am spoiled with I will love to the fullest and use constantly. I am simple when it comes to what I eat or watch TV on or what is done with my day or whatever; but due to issues in my past I get hungry for a good home and cool clothes/accessories/self expression and I need good, reliable family and friends. I have many mental problems and get very introverted so I am pretty much looking for a bigger guy (or woman) who can wear the pants in the relationship x2. A guy I can be cared for by, who will take care of all the bills and house and expenses, because I am scared and have no idea how to do that. I don't even work or drive. I will manage the home and do my share with meals or shopping or what else. I want to just stay in the house and not have to worry about anything besides for home and my partner. I want a home I can make up and decorate and call ours. I have this odd thrift store and decor and junk obsession (I do not like to hoard though and I will make sure the junk is worth the price and usable), and I enjoy trying new recipes, so have the big heart and wallet and home for that type of please. When feeling well, I do like going out to eat and places often and I like having friends and going out (enjoy yourself, just don't act like I do not exist). I however do not like rough partying after 12 or 1 am unless it is outside and far from the house, nothing too out of hand (I have fair share of trauma from my teen years, I do like the nightlife and being cool but just not when I need to go to sleep or am having a painful day). I do not see myself very attractive. I have done substances (mostly OTC, nothing far out there, tried a couple typical drinks). I do have picking scars and I have foot/dental problems and occasional pain which I have never gotten treatment for, get severe period cramps, have mental problems, mostly OCD and Aspergers and triggered depression and mild passive PTSD, and have mixed eating disorders (one period of fasting, the next normal, the next binging like a hippo). I am either 5'3 or 4, with very dark brown hair, overweight but not obese. I am good with writing but I don't get motivated often enoigh to go anywhere with it, I got a nursing assistant certificate but that took years to build up strength for, I barely even passed, and I am pretty sure I'm not running with that anytime soon. I'm barely making it to high school graduation here. I can often have days where I am too depressed or in pain or too tired or I have hours where I need to be by myself (like walking by myself or sitting alone) but it is usually later at night between the end of the day and bedtime. I can be bored with life or insecure or triggered very easily to be self-conscious to the point of just sitting there and disregarding all my needs unless very heavily encouraged. I don't care or see a point in anything and will lay there. I get heavily paranoid that I don't fit in even with my own family, or that everyone else can be part of conversations or tasks without me and that I just sit and observe. And then I have most days where, as said way above, where I like cooking and doing house things or even going out and having fun and flaunting myself when I have something to be secure about. Take me day by day, my spirit will not change but my mind will be in different places and my behavior will vary. Sometimes I am taking the wheel at home and taking care of you, tending to you and complimenting you, and some days you'll be making me eat or get out of bed. But be easy on me, I get neurotic. I have had problems in my teen years, and some in childhood, so I have triggers, usually avoidable if you pay attention to my behavior. I have some communication issues; I often cannot keep my damn mouth shut, sometimes I get shy and give out clues instead of being clear (like if I want something and don't want to be brash I'll say "that's so cool" or "aren't you cold?"). I may not be sexually ideal but I get horny very often, I am a moaner who honestly really loves d*ck or breasts and play. If you don't mind looks, and except for bad period days, I am so up for oral and a pounding and getting spanked and toyed (I like body kisses but sometimes mouth kisses can be a trigger, depends). I love dirty or rude humor and cuss words, usually the humor depends on my mood, wait for me to start or test the waters first. I like some in general control over my life, not dominance but maintenance and safety and what I lacked as a teen. I like cuddling a lot but I get fidgety so don't hold me captive in one position. I really love children and want to have some someday, but I have to fix myself and my life first and I actually debate on how many I want and whether I want to adopt or have my own so that will be a topic to be settled in slightly distant future. I can be sociopathic but I suppress; usually anything I end up doing is for my own benefit or needs and not for anyone else's pain. Any bad behavior, mental conditions, and autism are both hereditary and nurtured.
I just need to be taken care of, feel good again, have a lifetime partner and get a good home and life and get some sex and feel needed or wanted and secure with someone who understands my bipolar needs and humor. I am just me and myself, I don't know what to make of it but maybe you can do something with it.
Submitted January 01, 2017 at 05:41AM by alternativespecs http://ift.tt/2iU7l6b
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