TLDR: Married 11 years, sex life in quality and quantity is down the tubes. Help!!!
Throwaway because this is a private matter that I would like to keep private. (Long) backstory, We have been married for 11 years, started dating in High School. We went to the same college where I ended the relationship to play the proverbial field. I have been with one other girl sexually (no relationship, but sex) shortly after ending things with my now wife, she was with two other men sexually (relationships with both). I fought tooth and nail for the better part of five years to win her heart back, and thought I had succeeded entering our last year in college. She claims to have never had intercourse with either of her flings - guy # 1 (who I knew about) purportedly got lingerie, touchy feelies, and hand jobs. Guy #2, who she got with while I was home for the purportedly made out with her and felt her up and that was the extent of things. I found out about Guy #2 from a phone call from a friend who saw them holding hands in public after we were supposedly back together in a monogamous relationship and back home in between semesters. We forgave each other for breaking each other's hearts, got back together before graduating from college, and eventually attended grad school together.
We now work in the same field, we are both self employed, and we have two young young kids, the older one had serious medical issues from birth until around 3 years old, she is now doing very well (knock on wood). Physically, if I could design the ideal woman, she would look exactly like my wife. My wife says the same about me, and would add that she had a crush on me since elementary school (10+ years before I even knew she existed), and says I am her ideal physical specimen. We are both in decent physical shape and lead active lifestyles. Money is tight but we make a good living, we share in taking care of the kids on a daily basis, and I earn the bulk of the family income. I do a bulk of the house related work (dishes, cooking, bathrooms, pets), and she contributes as well (kids, some cooking and managing the family finances mostly).
Which brings me to the problem that has been eating away at me for at least the last couple of years. Sex, or lack thereof. I started keeping track four moths ago, and we average intercourse* twice a month, and other types of fooling around (she does not like oral to completion however) about once every 10 days. *She stopped taking the pill four years ago because every kind she tried killed her libido. We were using the rhythm method and she got pregnant with our third about a year ago, but miscarried. Condoms suck for both of us. After the miscarriage, she does not want me to come inside of her and I honor her request.
Aside from the lack of frequency, I feel so distant from her because I can not come inside of her (oral or PIV). She knows this and also claims to feel the same way, yet refuses to take any steps to fix the problem. Our sex life basically consists of getting (or giving myself) a hand job and her getting herself off by hand or with a toy. She claims not to masturbate, I need to get off once every couple of days at least. It kills me to be in a monogamous relationship with a woman I love dearly, not able to come inside of my wife or have real intercourse and basically be relegated to a (sad) teenagers sex life. She has lingerie, but never puts it on. I am starting to resent her time with her previous partner who got lingerie and hand jobs, because it at least showed she was enthusiastic about the sexy time. Our kids will spend the night at the grandparents, and there will be no sex of any kind at night, and a pity hand job or mutual hand job session in the morning before we pick them up. We have talked about the problem as to the frequency and quality of our sex life dozens if not hundreds of times and she always says she will work on it, but never does.
Is there a solution for us? Does anyone have any brilliant ideas that will save, or at least kick start our sex lives? Any help will be greatly appreciated by my heart and my dick.
[EDIT] Forgot about one important part of the problem - my perception about how she feels about me (outside of sex related issues) - she constantly has a scowl on her face that I read as me making her miserable. She has a somewhat authoritarian way about our interactions, including with the family finances. I am expected to follow along with whatever she decides is the right path for us to take (financially, as to the kids, as to our extended families, etc.). This looks ridiculous as I type it because I am not expressing it accurately as to how I am feeling.
Submitted January 01, 2017 at 10:20AM by throwaway04323580 http://ift.tt/2im556u
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