In retrospect, it should not have surprised anyone...what else would you expect from the joining of two companies that each knew more about people than the NSA? Of course the first new product offering from the Google/Facebook juggernaut would be a dating service.
Everyone wrote it off at first, like Google+ and Google Buzz before it; how could it be any better than Tindr/Grindr or OK Cupid or Match or E-Harmony? But of course a company that knows you better than you know yourself is perfectly suited to be your matchmaker.
And this was more than just matching people up; the way it did it was almost creepy. The complex algorithms not only determined poeple who would make each other happiest, but also set them up on the most perfect blind dates imaginable.
I held out longer than most. But then my single friends signed up and the pairings started:
"Dude, a ticket to see my favorite band just showed up, and there he was in the seat next to me."
"A topo map with a trail highlighted and a date and time written on it. I met her at the trail head and we didn't stop talking for the whole weekend! We're already planning to do the whole Appalachian."
"The cooking class was a blast...her ratatouille is the best I've ever tasted."
And just like that, they were soulmated, one by one, until hardly anybody had time to hang out with lonely, single me. That was had enough, but then the other dating and hookup services started drying up, accounts disappearing or going inactive in droves.
That's what ultimately did me in; one too many nights "taking care of myself," as it were. I opened the old invitation in my gmail box, held my breath, and clicked the "Accept" button.
We are currently establishing the best possible match for you based on a wide range of factors. You should be hearing about your first date soon.
Kind of anti-climactic I thought to myself, closing the lid to my laptop.
A couple of days later, I came home to find a small package waiting for me. Inside, there's something that looks like a remote car starter with a couple of LEDs on it. The red one blinks intermittently.
The fuck is this? I wonder, pulling out a note card from the box.
You match has the item controlled by this remote. The lights will indicate your proximity to each other: red is out of range, green is in the same room. You should cross each other's paths in a day or two. Push the button and start the love of your life!
In case it's too cryptic, it's a remote control for a vibrating sex toy. I've always thought this kind of public play would be hot, but really it's just an unusual "first date" for two people who really love sex.
The prompt is pretty vague on purpose, but the gist is that she's someone he crosses paths routinely in his day-to-day.
I'm also interested in scenes where there's a glitch and the algorithm makes a match that it shouldn't have.
Submitted March 09, 2017 at 10:44AM by cumfilledboy http://ift.tt/2nalOtr
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