Sorry that this is so long, I couldn't figure out how to be more concise.
Some background, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have plans to move in together in May. I've considered him the love of my life (so far) and things were nearly perfect until several months ago when he started avoiding sex, (it went from about three times a week to once a month at most.) I've tried talking about it in the past and he tends to get defensive/not want to talk about it.
Last Sunday morning, I got up earlier than him, took a shower, shaved my whole body, put on some nice-smelling lotion, and crawled back into bed naked. He was awake by then, but ignored me for about 20 minutes so I got out of bed and got dressed. He asked why I was getting dressed and told me that he could be naked too if I would wait for him to shower. So I waited, he showered, got back into bed, and after cuddling for about two minutes I tried to make a move. Then he said he should probably start working on stuff so I got up and got dressed. I was so embarrassed I started crying. I poured my heart out to him about how I felt disgusting for wanting to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me and that I didn't understand why things had changed. He first said that sex just wasn't a priority anymore since he's almost 30, eye roll, but then changed it to that my anxiety was too much of a turn-off. (I am going to school online as well as taking care of 14 two-year-olds at a daycare for 40 hours a week, I also have an anxiety disorder so lo and behold I'm enormously stressed out right now.) I think he's just so burnt out from trying to handle my sporadic panic attacks that he's losing interest. His job is much, much easier and less stressful than mine and he doesn't have anxiety issues so I don't blame him for not being able to empathize.
Fast forward to last night, I came home after a beyond shitty day at work and he was over unannounced, trying to sleep in my bed. I started making dinner, but I cut my finger and didn't have a Band-Aid, he helped me with the first aid. At this point I could feel my body start to tense up and I was starting to slam cupboard doors, etc. while cooking. Then I splashed hot water on my hand, so I fell to the floor and started crying, full-on panic mode. He said, "What are you crying about now?" and I sat down next to him and told him about my shitty day, but instead of trying to soothe me like usual, he lectured me about being too loud while cooking, (apparently he hadn't slept in 24 hours), and pressured me to quit my job. I told him that I was having a panic attack and asked why he wasn't comforting me. His response was "That's all I ever do, Abby." Then I told him to leave and he did.
I haven't talked to him since, I tried texting him once, (which I NEVER do because he likes his space), but he didn't reply. I guess I'll just wait until he contacts me first. How should I handle the conversation when we do start talking again? I DON'T want to apologize, because other than occasionally subjecting him to my negative moods, I treat this man like a king. And I do love him, historically he's treated me like a queen as well but lately it's been different. I don't want to break up unless he really doesn't love me anymore.
(TLDR: Boyfriend of two years can't handle my anxiety anymore despite the fact that I'm doing everything I can to make things work. He's my best friend in the world and I don't want him to go.)
Submitted March 08, 2017 at 07:15PM by sinkintomud http://ift.tt/2mHXUrR
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