I stir the simmering mixture of spices and tomato, occasionally lifting the spoon up to my lips to taste it. It's pretty good, but needs a bit more thyme. As I reach for the thyme, I hear screaming outside.
"Oh god help us, there's an army of monsters attacking us!"
I shrug. The police will probably take care of it.
"The police aren't taking care of it!"
Well, if it's that bad then the military will-
"Oh no, they're killing the military!"
God fucking dammit, are you serious?
I sigh and run outside to see a bunch of little goblinish looking things running around. And not cute goblin girls like in porn either, they're like Lord of the Rings goblins crossed with redneck meth addicts.
I sigh and begin blasting them with bursts of frozen meatballs fired at mach speed, occasionally conjuring a wave of molten sauce to sweep them away and cause severe burns. Soon I come across what has the military occupied. A giant monster the size of a skyscraper.
Spaghetti begins swirling around me until I am encased in an equally large, humanoid suit made of spaghetti. I rush at the monster and begin punching it. It fights back, but my spaghetti suit begins wrapping it up like a spaghetti cocoon. It roars impotently, struggling against its bonds. I begin shoveling spaghetti into its mouth, a constant torrent being forced down its throat until it dies from its bowels being ruptured open by all the pasta.
I descend back to the street on a spaghetti staircase and begin walking away. The mayor approaches me and thanks me. I punch him in the face.
"Fuck you, now my sauce is probably burning!"
I rush home and arrive just in time to stir the sauce and reduce the heat before it gets burnt. I add some thyme and keep on cooking.
I'm hungry.
Submitted March 08, 2017 at 05:18PM by SoulFire6464 http://ift.tt/2m3H97f
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