First business, I could swear someone suggested the name Sinkhole Susan or Sinkhole Sally, but I cannot find the comment for the life of me. For ease (since there’s already a Susan in the Hall of MILs) we’ll stick to Sinkhole Sally. Thank you, whomever suggested it, and I’m really sorry I can’t find your comment.
Let the Kristmas Krampus begin!
We’re hosting DH’s family for Christmas Eve (see Bitchbot for that whole backstory). We employ BIL (DH’s little bro) as a flying monkey, and discover his family is leaving WAY early for our house. Cue last minute panic and getting ready to look immaculate for arrival (because bitch, if I’m cooking dinner I’m going Betty Crocker on this shit and getting dressed up, because I can).
Backstory: Sinkhole Sally outed BIL as pansexual to us without his knowledge. He still doesn’t know this happened. We love BIL, doesn’t matter to us who he loves. Just as long as they love him equally in return (and are a good person).
Family arrives at our apartment and greetings are had. Sinkhole Sally immediately throws the pies they bought upon me and hovers over me as I try to fit them into an already full fridge. Upon satisfaction that the precious pies will have fridge space (and they brought a pumpkin pie that was bigger than my head), Sinkhole Sally flounces into the other room to loudly announces that they arrived early so she could help me!
Because clearly, at 29, I have no idea how to cook or feed myself or my hubby. We starve daily… I digress.
I happily pat DH on the back and tell her I already have help. Cue CBF. DH and I go into the kitchen to finish cooking while family settles in. On our wall are two particular calendars. One is hot chicks on motorcycles. The other is hot dudes in kilts with kilt puns (This month’s pun is: “Like my kilt? Wait till you see my bagpipe”). DH and I had the agreement upon first getting the calendars that we would each get one for ourselves, and hang them up side-by-side to be equal. Note, they are above our dining room table, because that’s where we had room for two calendars/they are useful as we leave the door.
(I’m starting to realize we sound absurd…)
BIL is admiring the calendars and loudly debating on which one he likes better. He finally decides the kilt one is his favorite.
Sinkhole Sally immediately goes in for the kill, because he’s dating a girl at the moment, and she loudly screeches “PICK A LANE DUDE!” BIL attempts to defend himself, but cue more awful screeches about how being pan isn’t a thing and he needs to make a decision.
I come to BIL’s rescue, because I can’t help myself, and ask FIL about his recent surgery. Cue then a loud and angry fight between Sinkhole Sally and FIL about how serious the surgery actually was. BIL finally throws his arms up in the air and yells at them for fighting in front of the whole family on Christmas eve. Parents-in-Law shut it. We decide to ease the tension by passing out presents now.
Sinkhole Sally goes into this long tirade about how we weren’t supposed to get them a present. They are moving soon. We don’t need to spend our money on them, etc. Meanwhile she’s shaking the present to listen to it (a joint present for her and dad). Ferociously rips off the wrapping paper and opens up the box completely without him. Gushes over the nice canvas photo of DH and BIL we had made for them. Finally passes it to FIL who gets to admire it too (I think he liked it a little more than her to be honest).
We have dinner. Ham is delicious (thank you DH). I get mocked throughout the dinner because I didn’t cook the baked potatoes long enough, but no one truly cared because all we wanted to do was eat the ham.
After dinner, BIL and DH are playing video games together. Sinkhole Sally hates it when brothers get to actually bond about things that they like, not things she has dictated for them that are ok subjects to like. Complains loudly about how exhausted she is, and how tired she is after having her own surgery. Family goes home.
This is about 8 pm when they leave, almost a two hour drive back for them. Immediately upon arriving home Sinkhole Sally because to post a billion things on Facebook.
One of them being this
Yes. All night long we got spammed by naked men with conveniently placed Christmas items covering their junk. Still don’t know if that was for her benefit, or she was trying to bond with BIL. There’s a whole video if you want to check out My Naughty Corner on Facebook.
That’s how we got to spend Christmas eve getting spammed by naked men for several hours on Facebook from Sinkhole Sally (she was up till at least midnight).
Belated Merry Christmas from our naughty calendars to yours.
Bonus Round:
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Sinkhole Sally thought I had told her I was working December 26th which is why we were having Christmas now. Went and had a fit that either I lied to her, or she’s getting old.
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Didn’t sign the card they gave us.
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Followed DH around the apartment demanding to know where he was going to safely put the money they gave us for Christmas.
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Came out of the bathroom in a panic that we didn’t have any more toilet paper. FIL told her to turn around and look at the shelf behind her, as there was clearly some there. Thank you FIL for having eyeballs.
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Was absolutely thrilled that we “said” her surgery scar was ugly. She showed us scar, we went “oof” that doesn’t look fun. Immediately turns to FIL and says that we are honest and agree it’s ugly.
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Complained for the millionth time that our apartment is too small and has too much stuff and that we need a bigger apartment with less stuff.
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BIL and DH had a quiet chat in the car while trying to get some whipped cream and BIL comes out on his terms rather than their mother’s terms.
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In case you’re wondering, this year’s calendars are Hot Dudes Reading and Construction Chicks.
Submitted December 28, 2016 at 08:37PM by pandoraboxxy http://ift.tt/2iGhCP2
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