If a great man can; if a great man can stomach; if a great man – of Forbian wealth, of Wall-Streetian power and of front page, unplebeian prestige – can stomach; if a man of Academia Qui Tam, grassroots politics and unshakable religious faith can stomach; if a true blooded, patriotic American man can stomach; if a leader of men can stomach caressing an 80 degree Fahrenheit skull and dispassionately gaze into the right orbit – that formerly contained a blue iris before it was blinked out with 1550 feet per second velocity – and unweepingly see through the silent, synaptic dreams of a flaxen haired child to examine the hole in the mother’s heart and unflinchingly flash a grin at constituents and say that this blood sacrifice is the price of freedom than this man can stomach; this conquerer of congresses can stomach; this pork-bellied, lobbier of languages can stomach; this non-tax paying creator of non-jobs can stomach; this pinnacle of pillars of people can surely stomach getting on his knees and drinking – straight from the hose – a mouthful of hot, homo sapien sperm.
The Beavertoads knew about this; not the flavorful ingestion of the reproductive juices of the extinct homo sapiens, but that the irrationalization of reality was the commencementing reproach destined to give rise to the Beavertoads through the muck and draperies of the said former world inhabitors.
The Beavertoads rise as the new dominant species of Derth was instantaneous when compared to the long, boring plight of the homo sapiens. The difference in between the two sentient species acclimation to global dominance was that the homo’s spent thousands of years playing with various ways to make larger fires and the Beavertoads didn’t. The homo’s quest for solar supremacy peaked when they invented the nuclear bomb and, by the best restructuring by the most acclaimed Beavertoad Archeologist, Thwe Inda Rim, the homo sapiens on all continents declared war against winter and nuked the lifeless continent Antarctica. Four days later this led to a radioactive rise in sea levels and this is how the Beavertoads were immaculately conceived from the muck and draperies of mankind and their intelligence was born, not from a Darwinian fight for survival over eons, but because on the eighth day after Derth’s rebirth a beaver and a toad found a DVR - that was the only and last electrical load that was still directly hooked into a nearby nuclear power plant - and in the midst of the first after hours of television programs nature found a way for a beaver and a toad to reproduce a Mendell-Farnsworthian offspring.
Four years later…
“My Qig Rameten! I have found it!” came the jovial elation from Thwe Inda Rim as he burst into the Floating Dome of Ceremonies, Cooking and Callywacking.
The Floating Dome of Ceremonies, Cooking and Callywacking was Derth’s coasting capitol. The Floating Dome was moved from island continent to island continent by the ocean’s current. Because it was never in one location for too long and because it was moved by natural methods the Beavertoads of Derth didn’t feel the need to draw imaginary kill lines – it’s continuous movement unified them to remember to preserve what passes through life so easily. It was also constructed entirely of their primary building block, Beavertoad poop.
When Thwe Inda Rim burst into the Floating Dome’s Chamber of Chastity he unwittingly ruined Qig Rameten’s sensual Callywacking free style dance known as Coitus Fistbump Interruptus. The Chamber of Chastity was filled with luscious royal chaises, moderate beds, stacks of hay, hammocks, sleeping bags and heaps of trash where Beavertoads laid within an inch of each other. The Beavertoads lips puckered out and quivered within touching distance and their hips gyrated wantonly towards each other. The Beavertoads never had sex because they found great excitement in denying each themselves pleasure and this is why there was such a great need for the Floating Dome of Ceremonies, Cooking and Callywacking.
All Beavertoads have half an idea of what they are supposed to do in any given situation and since a Qig has both male and female sexual organs, and is a rare birth on Derth, the Beavertoads anoint only Qig’s to lead them in life making decisions. And so it has been since the dawn of the Beavertoads ascension that the Qig’s travel in between the island realms to ensure that everyone is having proper sex to ensure that their species can endure and continue to thrive.
“My Qig Rameten! I have found it!” Thwe Inda Rim exclaimed.
All the Beavertoads, without touching one another, pushed away from each other with shrills, hoots, croaks, grumbles and foopyerwees. Qig Rameten scrunched her eyes and pinched his nose in sexual exasperation. “This better be good Thwe Inda Rim. I was seconds away from causing a record setting ultro-orgasm.”
In his excitement, Thwe Inda Rim had forgotten his manners. He quickly bowed by leaning at the waist and raising one leg around his back to perform the proper salutation. “My apologies Qig Rameten. Might I proceed never-the-less?”
Qig Rameten surveyed her unmitigating Beavertoads rolling in their self-indulging ecstasy and waved flightily at Thwe Inda Rim, “Only if it is unappealing.”
“Oh, it is very unappealing.”
“Then proceed.”
“I have pieced together a mirror disk that shows what led to the homo sapiens downfall.”
“Most uninteresting.”
The Beavertoads in the Chamber of Chastity refused to give full attention to the two conversing; but some turned their heads to watch out of the corner of their eyes, some ogled through thin blankets while others sat on their heads and kicked their feet wildly to not draw attention to themselves. Qig Rameten sniffed the evening air and it was ripe with pheromones.
“Shall I put it in the Bubbleopoloposcope, my Qig?”
“Install.”
As Thwe Inda Rim put the refurbished mirror disk into the Bubbleopoloposcope, Qig Rameten raised her arms wide and spoke, “My masterquaters, come round and gather next to Bubbleopoloposcope and enjoy it’s Cold Fire upon your brows.”
Thwe Inda Rim pressed a series of buttons and the Bubbleopoloposcope came to life and began to project a picture of homo sapiens in their version of the Chamber of Chastity.
Submitted December 31, 2016 at 10:49AM by NosVemos http://ift.tt/2iAEnoz
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