A year and a half ago I made the ultimate decision to move me, my son and my husband into a fairly decent townhouse. In addition to us, two of our friends came along as well; they're a couple closer to my husband than to me though I did like being around them. This was meant to be a sort of trial for eventually buying a house with them. Rather, I would buy the house and it would be mine and my husband's, but with the idea that we would actually be a 4 income household.
I'm sure many of you are already cringing. What was I thinking? These things never work out.
Would you believe me if I told you I felt the same way? This was not a sudden, knee-jerk decision, or at least it wasn't when the idea was first conceived.
Before my husband and I even had a son the male counterpart of the couple that lives with us was very open about wanting all of us to live together. My earliest memory of him getting misty eyed about us living together was one time when we were all cooking in my husband's kitchen. We were all about 16-19 years old and he gets on a tangent about how he wants it to be like this for all of us all the time in the future. We're not well off people by any means, but the easy math says 4 people can definitely afford things, and that way we would never really be in danger of losing our residence if someone gets sick, we could all take care of each other, so on. One of the things he always cited was how money was good in his home before he tried to move out, because his Grandma, uncles, aunts and his dad all live in the same house; sure, tensions can be high, but that happens with family! It won't happen with us, guys.
I never really wrote it off out loud, but I was never really fond of the idea. I like my privacy. I think he knew it was mostly me that didn't want this to happen as there were a few jabs over the years, but it was never truly aired out since I was noncommittal either way.
Fast-forward a few years, we're all 23-26 and my mom dies plus a few other bad strokes such as getting burglarized and some other drama. Life rocks me a little. I didn't really think of it at first, but talks of moving are had while our two friends are keeping us company. Our friend, he doesn't outright ask, but he and his girlfriend are hoping to move as well to get out of his grandma's because of the tension. I don't blame them, and at this point they're both working and should be respected.
Maybe a couple days later I come out and ask the husband if he would like to move in with them at this place that I've been looking at. Husband is absolutely on board, kiddo likes the two, the townhouse is alright. Hubby and I talk through some plans, building our credit in the interim while we have this trial, developments we want to keep an eye on, etc..
With the background laid out, long story short:
We move in. They suddenly don't have jobs. Girlie has attempted two times in the last year and a half to get an interview. The guy has admittedly tried more, but it's not really the job aspect that bothers me. I understand this shit happens. Is it how it should be? No. Am I looking forward to eventually telling these adults that I cannot support them forever whether for logistics or fairness? No.
I'm just so mad at myself for getting into this situation. I'm sick of being the sole earner and feeling like these 4 people are my responsibility (We eventually had hubby quit his job because fuck childcare; he's going to get HVAC certified soon and will begin working when kiddo goes to school in August).
I'm upset that finances haven't panned out the way hubby and I wanted, I'm tired of my account being right on the verge of red, or in it, every two weeks, I'm tired of hearing them whine about fast food we can't have, I'm tired of my husband basically being a house maid to them because he was awesome enough to take on the responsibility, I'm tired of how their room smells of cat, though I love the cats, I'm tired of not actually being happy around them and the looks that happen from time to time when they realize I'm not ever really in a good mood.
I don't want to be upset, but in reality part of my demeanor is just my default mode. Until recently, maybe the last 5 months, I wasn't always upset. I'm just quiet. And actually, most of us are. In fact, the female of the couple is very taciturn, and I really like her. The guy, though, has always been more extroverted. I DO like him, I do still consider him a friend, but I knew from years prior that I would never warm up to him in the way he wants me to. And I have this feeling that he's realized that, but is playing it off somehow on the situation. Of course I wouldn't be thrilled about paying for his almost everything, but even if he was making the most of us or something I would not be what he wants from me.
About the only good thing that has come out from this arrangement is that my husband and I, both, no longer have this lingering crush on the female of the couple. It wasn't a particularly soft spot but knowing my husband wondered what it would be like to "save" the girl from our other buddy here was a blow to my self-esteem only tempered by my then-girl-crush on her as well. Now, even though we still like her, we know she's a bit of a spoiled princess. So we more like her sense of humor and I like how blunt she can be, but knowing my husband doesn't want to bone her anymore is great. He's had ample chance now, and I'm in a place where I can cynically say I don't care if he has, but the conversation we had when he finally broke down himself regarding our whole situation showed a rather large bit of disgust on his part. ...I honestly think he hates the situation more than I do.
Other things have popped up that have made me realize I really wish I had my own house to grieve in. In general my own issues with the situation have been aired… but more than anything I hate, hate, hate myself for putting us in this situation. I thought it would help, but looking at it I could have supported my husband, son and I easily enough. I’m just really glad my son is too young to really understand for the time being. My husband, though… His ability to deal with them is getting spread really thin. He doesn’t like that I’m having to do all this and I think it’s become a spiral of despair for me and him. I get tired from things like overtime, odd hours, not to mention feeling a little annoyed that I can’t spend as much time with the kiddo as everyone else in the house when more than half of them don’t feel for him as much as I do… So hubby sees I’m upset, he wonders what else he can do, but he’s already tired from everything he already does and gets upset himself. Then I get more upset because I hate seeing him upset and I know it’s my fault… I’m so tired of feeling like he doesn’t love me because I fucked up even though in my right mind his assurances are enough. We’re just not feeling good and the future isn’t making me feel better because my husband does not have many friends and I don’t know how he will be when it finally comes time to put an end to this. As it stands I don’t want to do anything until this lease is up, or at least close to that point. About 6 months to go and it feels both too short and too long.
Submitted December 31, 2016 at 09:09AM by Vervara http://ift.tt/2iQsTRa
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