I don't hate her. I don't think I could ever do that.
She's severely mentally ill. Depressed and anxious to an obscene level combined with OCD and an IQ of 75. I don't know if this is counts as 'slow' or not, but I know that it is solidly below average. She's been difficult to take care of ever since she was a child according to my grandma.
But she's gotten way worse in the last year. In May she was admitted to a psychiatric facility for the first time in 6 years. And, I hate to say it, but it was mostly out of sight out of mind. It's not that I don't care. It's just that it was a break from the constant torrent of her bullshit. We could finally think about something else.
But then she ended up spending six weeks in the friggin' place. During her time there she started receiving electroshock therapy in June. She still gets it once a week but I don't think it's helping. She's more miserable than ever.
My grandma and I had to wake up at 5 AM this morning to take her to the facility that does her ECT treatments. She doesn't get admitted until 6:30 AM but since this place is so far away we had to leave at 5:30. Not many places give ECT.
She's been admitted to the same facility on involuntary hold four times since May. Mainly because she keeps threatening to kill herself. Here's the problem: it's all bullshit. She's been threatening to kill herself since she was 16 and she's 52 now. She's never even come close to attempting suicide. It's all for attention. I'm not saying I don't sympathize. I'm depressed myself, but this is on an entirely different level. I realize that these are medical professionals who are basically obliged to hold her if she's threatening to commit suicide but I only wish they knew what we knew.
When I went to pick her up this morning, she started crying hysterically because she could get her leg in the car (she's very overweight and arthritic). She cried because she couldn't fit her walker in the trunk. She cried because the operator took more than 3 seconds to get her a time for her partial program.
We were there from 6:30 AM until 11 for this fucking shit and didn't get home until 12:30 in the afternoon because she demanded we get KFC after sitting in a waiting room for five hours. Then she starts crying because she can't get her walker and her bag of chicken up the stairs to her apartment. I calmly explain that I can carry those things for her but it does nothing to calm her down. The woman is hysteria in human form.
I also hate the way she treats my grandma, who I hate to say, has spoiled her. She lets her have her way all the time. Because she's been coddled she calls my grandma every time any little thing goes wrong. She called her one time crying hysterically because her smoke detector was going off because she burnt some food she was cooking. My grandma tries to explain that things like this are a part of life but she won't hear any of it. She also yells at my grandma a lot when she's at our house (my mother, sister, and I live with my grandma so we can take care of her since she's so old).
I do this shit every Wednesday and it ruins my day every Wednesday. Everyone is fucking bending over backwards to try and help her and she hasn't gotten a bit better since this all got so much worse in May.
Even after we drop her off at her apartment and think she's out of our hair, she calls up my grandma to cry some more. My grandma, having had quite enough of her, said "just eat your damn chicken and be happy for a little". I realize that's not the most tactful response, but you'd be grumpy to if your daughter was like this.
I spoke to my grandma in the waiting room and she has similar feelings. She said "If I knew back in '63 what I know now...well..." which makes me kind of think that she regrets having her. Not that I blame her. Her daughter leads a completely miserable existence. A person like her cannot find any joy in life.
The doctors eventually want to move her down to ECT once a month but at the rate she's "improving" I don't see that happening any time soon. I'm just thankful that I'm not the one she falls back on whenever she has a problem.
More than anything, I pity her. I think about her and I get sad. Like, how can such a miserable person exist? It's almost insane how depressed she is. And on some level I can empathize because I'm very depressed too, but the way she behaves is ridiculous. It's so draining on everyone in the family. I can only imagine how my poor eighty-seven year old grandma feels. The knowledge that your own daughter is miserable beyond comprehension must be devastating.
I don't care if resenting someone who can barely take care of herself makes me an total dick. I've had it up to my ass with this bullshit. She's all anyone in our family talks about these days and I'm tired of it. I'm actually glad when she's in the hospital because I don't have to think about her.
Submitted December 28, 2016 at 10:39PM by BillyBatts99 http://ift.tt/2i9LdU7
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