Love at first sight exists - Story

Hey everyone,

I've just recently been to this sub. Not sure how I got here, but in a lot of ways I'm glad I found it. I'm not one for posting feelings or even talking about anything in general, let alone to social media. Just thought I'd share a random story.

I'm not really sure where to begin. I've always been a reserved person for the most part. Quiet, not outspoken. Never had an over abundance of friends. I grew up in a small town where virtually everyone knew everyone else, 8,000 people more or less. My parents were very simple and reserved, and after leaving their home, I was faced with a lot of realities about the outside world.

I never felt depressed when I was younger. I was pretty happy. I had enough friends, two older sisters who love me, and plenty of good memories from my childhood. I was bullied a little in high school. Nothing extreme like what some kids can go through, but enough to affect my self esteem. I'm not an overly smart kid, and I'm not on the lower end of attractiveness, but when you're kids, there's always something to find about someone else to make fun of.

I guess the real start of my story would be when I got my first girlfriend when I was in grade 11. (I had a couple of other girlfriends the year previously, but nothing more then a week or so. The typical high school "I like you, let's hang out thing".

-I apologize at this point for realizing this may be a strangely long post, as I'm not sure of the typical styles of how social medias work anymore.-

Anyways, I ended up dating that girl for 4 years. She actually went to a Christian school, so I didn't really have to deal too much with drama that can ensue from having a girlfriend in high school with fellow students gossiping and harassing and such. She was my first girlfriend and it took over a year of dating to lose my virginity to her. I would buy her nice things, and do nice things for her all the time, as I was just happy to have a girlfriend. Within the first year, I heard rumors that she cheated on me with what I would consider and acquaintance more then a friend. She denied and I believed her, as I was brought up blind and clueless about so much.

There ended up being other incidences that happened along the 4 years that she sort of admitted to, but I can't recall too much about the details as it was over a decade ago. We ended up leaving our small town together and got a place in a larger neighboring city for a year or two after high school. She was never the nicest person, and with all that I knew, and suspected of her doing previously, things were never meant to last. We drifted apart, and went our separate ways around the 4 year mark together. I felt like I lost my late "dating, experimenting, exploring" teenage years with her. What a shame. However, I look back at that, and it's just a lesson learned. I loved her from what I can recall. The young ignorant love I suppose.

Now you may be thinking, "alright, well why are you depressed about that?" and I can tell you I'm absolutely not depressed about that. What has caused my utter depression came shortly after.

After that girl and I split up, I moved back to my small town with my parents for a bit. A female friend of mine ended up introducing me to a friend of hers. I remember the first time I laid eyes on this girl. I recognized her, because of it being such a small town, but when I was face to face with her, I was smitten. I certainly believe in "Love at first sight" after that moment. Sounds corny, I know.

Over the next few encounters with her, I did everything in my power to try and win this girls heart. I kept asking my female friend to invite her along to things, and if she could make plans with the three of us, etc. I engaged her in conversation about things she loved, I would walk her home from where we were late at night, including giving her my jacket as an umbrella when we got caught in the rain.

I was obsessed with this girl. She literally was something out of a fairy tale. We ended up hanging out more and more often, and eventually just us two. We would hang out at her house, and go out, and just have fun times. It was great. My female friend who introduced us, knew I was really into her, and she told me that this girl actually liked me too.

Now don't go thinking this ends with a terrible twist where they were pulling my leg, and making a big joke out of it. In fact, the next part of my life was the happiest I've ever been, or ever will be.

One late night, after spending time at her parents house, and just having a good time, giggling, talking, watching a movie, etc. it was time for me to go home. At this point, I knew I was in love. I left her house, walked to the end of the path, and stopped. I turned around and quietly knocked on the door. As soon as she opened it, I picked her up and gave her one of those romantic romantic kisses that you see in some corny chick flick movie. That is probably the happiest memory I have in this world.

We ended up dating after that, obviously.

I should point out that even after being with the other girl for 4 years, I never felt an ounce of the feelings I had for this girl. She was just everything and more.

We dated for quite a while. We were still in our small home town, and I was living with my parents still. I'd like to point out that I was... 21 I believe? She was 19. She was doing her victory lap in high school. We would spend our time together doing fun things, having good times with mutual friends and such. We would watch movies together, and were just very, very happy together. Although not extremely important, she was a virgin and that aspect of the relationship during the intimate times were the best ever.

We would go on adventures together, and I would spend time we her on my off time if she was at her part time job at the small town movie theatre, keeping her company. I would walk her home every evening she spent at my house, 50 minutes each way just to make sure she got home safe. I threw her a fantastic surprise birthday party with all her friends.

We spent almost every day together for at least a small moment of the day. I was happy. I knew what happiness was. I was experiencing it, and it was just a euphoric feeling. Of course, I don't mean to paint the picture for you like something out of a Disney princess book. We had small petty arguments here and there, but as I remember her telling me "Nothing else matters as long as you love the person."

This girl was something else. She was gorgeous, had a great sense of humor and style. She was smart. She had plenty of friends, and was actually quite popular. Not popular like "the popular kid in school" but just an extremely nice down to Earth girl who was beloved by all. I on the other hand see myself as a pretty average joe. Had average grades, average friends, perhaps slightly above average looks. (I truly do not intend to come off as some arrogant asshole in that sense. I'm nothing to write home about altogether).

-As I stated before, I apologize for a long post. I feel I needed to get this story off my chest, and I don't really have anyone to turn to, to do that. I'll do my best to start getting to the point.-

Now, as happy as we were together, not everything is always sunshine and rainbows. As much as I loved this girl, I certainly had my flaws. I was a bit on the clingy side with her. When she went out with friends, I usually wanted to know what they were up to, or who was at the party, etc. She was a very independent girl, but also very reserved and shy.

Later on, she got accepted to a university pretty far away. We couldn't always live in a small town in our parents houses. We had to grow up and continue out into the world. Around the same time that she got accepted, I got a job offer in another major city about 4 hours from her university. I took it. It was a great opportunity to get away from the small town. Getting that job actually had nothing to do with her University placement. It was just actually quite nice that it was only 4 hours apart. (Considering the new cities were a good 24 hours drive from our original town).

So I ended up moving down to the city first. I was staying with one of my older sisters, for a few months until I could get on my feet in the new area. My girlfriend stayed in the small town for the summer, and went to University a couple months after me.

Long distance relationships. They're hard. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows they're Hell, and you have a better chance of being hit by lightening then surviving a long distance relationship. But we were willing to try. You can accomplish anything if you have love on your side.

I remember the day I left to go to my new job. She was an emotional person. She cried, and we spent all day together. We promised we would make this work. I told her about University and all the things she'll be subjected to, such as making lots of new friends, and experiencing lots of new things, and going to lots of parties, etc.

We were together everyday in our small town, so even a single day apart felt like hell. I mentioned we should try to talk on the phone maybe every night before bed for at least 15 minutes or so, or try to keep a little journal of things we've done, and thoughts we've had about each other so we could share them when we met next.

Over the first couple of months of being apart, I tried everything I could to keep contact up, and engage as much as possible to still feel a part of each other's world. It was fine at first... But then she left for University.

She didn't text often, would never call, and I always had to call her. Her explanations of days and such got more vague as time went on. I'm an understanding guy. I know she was busy fitting in, learning all the new things with school, and the campus, and all that crazy stuff. But she just didn't seem like she was putting in any effort.

A few weeks into her moving to the University, I was trying to plan some way for us to be together for a weekend or something. She got more and more distant. As I mentioned before, I was perhaps a little on the clingy side. Looking back in my mind, whether my mind is clouded by own self hate, or just reality, I could certainly see myself as a clingy person. Love makes you do exceptionally stupid things like that.

There were instances in that time apart that she should have shown me a little more time. My cat that I left in my home town died just after I left. I was going to wait a month to settle in to send for it. She didn't console me all that much. It was my birthday just after I left. She didn't get me anything, and seemed to half heartingly send her wishes.

So anyways, I wanted to spend a weekend together. It had been about 2 months since we had seen each other, and I was making every effort to make it happen. We ended up on setting a weekend. My sister was away that week for her honeymoon. I had access to her car.

This is what happened on that weekend.

I drove 4 hours after work to pick her up at her university. I met some of her new friends, and waited patiently for her to take an hour to finish helping a new friend of hers with some school work before we left. I drove her 4 hours back to my sisters place. It was empty, as they were on their honeymoon, so it was a very nice atmosphere. We chatted on the ride back and all seemed like it was before. Like we never left each other. I kept looking at her, just as star struck as the day I laid eyes on her.

We got back to the place, and it was pretty late in the evening. I made her a nice homemade dinner. Something different from her Kraft Dinner at school. Before I left to pick her up, I bought 3 dozen roses, and tore off all the petals leading up the stairs, down the hall, into the master bedroom on-suite jacuzzi. After dinner, I told her to follow the roses for a nice surprise. At the end of it was a bath ready for two, with romantic music playing, and candlelight. It was very romantic if I do say so myself. After all that, we spent some nice time in bed, and went to sleep. We spent all the next day watching chick flicks together, giving her massages, cooking for her, etc. It was just my way of expressing how much she meant to me. "I was in love. This girl is what all the sappy love songs are about. She's what turns away the darkness. She's everything to me."

By Sunday, I had to take her back. I drove her the 4 hours, and spent a little time in her down room. I shared with her all the journals I've kept about how much I've thought about her, and things I did while we were apart. She didn't write one. A little disappointing. She's busy with school. That's fine. I drove home afterwards. 16 hour drive to spend a little more then a day together with her.

Over the next few weeks, she seemed to revert back to her long distance self. She didn't call, or even text often. I got a little frustrated and tried to push her to try a little harder.

I remember I was talking to her on the phone one night, being upset that I felt she wasn't putting effort into our relationship. I told her I wanted her to do something nice for me within the next day. Anything. A nice good morning text, and sexy voicemail, a sweet picture of her holding a paper saying "I love you". Anything.

The next morning I woke up to a text.

--She broke up with me. --

She left a long text saying how the best thing she could do for me is leave me. I freaked out. I called her immediately. We talked on the phone for an hour. I managed to get her to give me a second chance... but it was no use. Not even a week later, I was talking with her online and she said it was over. She kept saying I was clingy and I expected too much out of her. All I told her was I wanted her to care for me the same way I do for her. She said she did. She just showed it differently.

That was the last time I heard from her. That was over 5 years ago.

Looking back, I know I was a little on the "clingy, over bearing" side. But I know she was on the "doesn't show enough" side.

That girl broke my heart. I fell into a dark place. I became angry. I became depressed. I didn't know what to do. That girl was my world. She meant everything to me.

Now, I should put a disclaimer. I'm not really looking for pity, or some inspirational words. I don't really know what I'm looking for...

Im a very rational guy. I know all of the typical things you say to an individual in my situation. "I feel your pain. I know it's rough, but don't give up." "It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of girls out there who would be lucky to have you." "It happens to everyone. Just keep focused on what's ahead of you instead of the past." Etc. etc.

It's been over 5 years since this girl. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. Not a day goes by where I don't question my choices I made with her, and what I could have done better. This girl broke me. I went on a sleeping binge with half a dozen girls after her. Nothing. I went into another long relationship of 2 1/2 years with another girl. This girl was the nicest girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I had to leave her because I have my own demons now. I'm now currently with another long term girlfriend of another 2 years, and I love these girls, but it's not the same... Its just not the same. It's like having steak and then having to settle for chicken for the rest of your life. (Terrible analogy, I know.)

I love my current girlfriend. But I'm a shell of the man I was. I'm depressed all the time. I'm angry all the time. I see the worst in everything. I lost all my friends, gave up all social media (yes, I know the irony with this being considered social media.) I used to be caring and interested in everything that girl did. Now, if my girlfriend wants to go out with friends, I won't inquire about the details, or take interest like I used to with things... I'm a pretty cynical guy now. I have a lot of anger built up in me. The way I view it, I've wanted my ex back so much, that I've become what she wanted in me years ago. I'm far from clingy now. I wasn't clingy with my first girlfriend of 4 years. I only seemed so crazy clingy and obsessive with that girl because I was crazy in love. That kind of love makes you absolutely nuts. If I knew what I know now, I just know I would be happily married with kids with that girl.

I'm getting older, and more and more depressed. I've been thinking about this girl more then usual lately, and wonder where she is. What she's doing. Who she's with. Why it couldn't be me. What I did wrong.

Now I know I should beat myself up so much. I'm a reasonable, analytical guy. I know I'm being stupid and living too much in the past. But I can't help it. I try to escape it, or live with it, but I can't. My favorite kind of music is depressing, sad lost love songs, such as "Let her go" by "The Passengers" as an example. Feeling depressed allows me to feel something. I'm not religious. I don't believe in much, but I believed in her. I can't even look in my current loving girlfriends eyes and see the heavens like I used to with the lost love. I have a puppy that means the world to me, but even her wagging tail can't pull me out of my slump for more then a moment.

I feel broken, lost, and utterly destroyed. I keep wishing that I had one more chance. Go back in time. Do everything right. Not be clingy or overprotective. I know I never will get a chance. But it's the only thing that keeps me going.

--I really appreciate all of you who made it through this story of mine. It may not be the most interesting, or expertly written, but I'm glad I could find a place to fit in for a moment.

I'm willing to answer any questions, if that's how this sort of thing works. I didn't proof read this, and I may have left out important details.

Thanks again everyone!

Submitted December 27, 2016 at 03:46AM by Kiwikwan http://ift.tt/2i2pQEr