Anxiety

I feel like I've been posting a lot lately but I just want to blurt this somewhere.

I hear them crying.

In the shower. While sleeping. When I'm cooking and they're in the other room playing. I hear the I'm-hurt-and-scared, save-me-mommy cries.

I hear them crying all the time. They're not newborns anymore. My baby is nearly walking and she says words, real, meaningful words! Not... you know... "Mommy". But "Charlie" and "Babby" and "Hat".

Why would you need to learn how to say "Mommy" when Mommy is always right there? With boobs of milk!

And the boy! He plays pretend! He asks me questions all day long.

Some days I feel barely functional.

I do everything I need to. I'm fairly awesome. Wife says so. And... my mom thinks I'm awesome.

But I wish I could not. Not drive the boy to school. Not go grocery shopping. Not keep a schedule. A routine.

You talk to a doctor about this stuff they talk about medicine. Anxiety. Depression. All the bad parts of life have some cure that might work and might not fuck up another part of your life.

Or the shiny healthy people on Facebook and YouTube say all I need is to do yoga and meditate. And eat rabbit food. And I should. I eat too many cookies.

But the days of my flair having the word "baby" are growing few. She's not my baby anymore. I don't have any babies anymore. I have a kid and a toddler. Or two toddlers? Ugh.

Definitely more yoga.

This rant is brought to you by a chest cold that I, alone, suffer.

Submitted February 28, 2017 at 01:47PM by _CottonCandyMelody_ http://ift.tt/2mI6IdF