Anonymous internet folks, I need help and I don't know what to do. I know my situation is outside of the norm and vastly privileged, but I am reaching out for help with that in mind.
First I'll provide the basics of my situation - my intent is not to "humblebrag", but to provide information that may help in understanding where I'm at.
I'm a 35yo college dropout who got in the ground floor of a startup company 15 years ago and have worked my way up within the organization. My only scholastic accreditation is the GED that I got when I was 16....but I'm a pretty sharp cookie and have worked my ass off to get where I am today. Before joining my current company, I worked at a place where I started earning $60k/year when I was 18 and each consecutive year my income has increased. The last 3 years I've averaged ~$150k annual gross income.
I've been with this same company for the vast majority of my adult life, starting when there were only 30 employees and now we're at ~5,000. The first few years of my employment I looked around and noticed that many of my entry-level peers were in their 40's & 50's...and decided that I would do whatever it took to not be in the same boat as them when I reached that age.
To that end, I made the conscious choice to throw myself into my work - essentially "trading" the next 10-15 years of my life in order to set myself up for later in life. The end goal was so I would ultimately have the ability to pursue the things that actually fulfill me - exploring the creation of art, music, cooking, & gardening. Building a community of chosen family and working together to enrich eachother's lives.
So here's where I'm at now: While I greatly appreciate the opportunities my company has provided me and absolutely recognize that I wouldn't be in the position that I'm in today...I've become incredibly disillusioned with the company, the value we provide to our customers and my limited ability to contribute to an impactful change. The Kool-Aid dispenser has run dry. I dread going to sleep each night because that means the avalanche of issues comes that much sooner the next morning.
Something needs to change. I have debilitating panic attacks when a customer/direct report/supervisor reaches out. I'm drained at the end of each and every day - and my only beacon of light is my extremely supportive spouse.
One of my major failings is that because my income has been so high, I never learned the basics of budgeting or how to live small or within my means. I always knew that more money was coming in, so if I saw something for sale that I wanted (and it wasn't an exorbitant amount), I'd just buy it. I've made significant progress on that front...but really I have no earthly idea on how to operate as a "normal person".
Submitted March 08, 2017 at 04:17PM by Felrick http://ift.tt/2lF6pV8
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