Hi, I have been lurking on this forum for a while now and I realized that I was redpill when I was around 17. A bit of background information on me:
Around the ages of 15 to 16 I was forcing myself to become dominant and feminist type women because of my family and changing culture. I tried to make myself believe that men were evil, that marriage was made to ruin women’s lives and that children were only created to make extended family happy and to prove that you were not infertile. However deep down, I have always been a sensitive, traditional, and submissive type female. I really loved the idea of getting married young, having children, being a homemaker, etc. I tried to suppress these ideas/needs because my family and extended family were all led by intimidating, dominant, feminist women that looked down on the idea of being a homemaker or aspiring to be a good wife and mother, they pushed me to be career oriented and focus on getting high amounts of education and worry about marriage when I was 25+.
I went along with this idea up until I was 17 when I started to notice that a lot of the women in my family had pretty horrible lives (imo), they were good in their careers, but had really shallow relationships and horrible marriages where they liked to control, nag, insult and use their husbands and most of the men in my family are very sensitive and are very beta/mama boys. I finally realized this when my cousins who were really career oriented started having troubles getting married and though some of them did end up getting married (in their early 30s), they ended up having to settle with men that they weren’t exactly satisfied with (beta, easy to control and liked being mothered by their wives) and went straight to having children due cultural and biological pressures. I knew from then that going with this notion of being a feminist woman was not a great thing, I soon found the redpill and was glad that there were others that had similar needs that I had.
Now to the present: I am in university now studying human resource management though I honestly do not really care about it, tbh I only decided to go to uni for my parents. I also work as a part time accounting clerk to pay for my tuition. I am now hoping to find someone to have a relationship with, but I am really shy and get easily intimidated by men, sometimes I cannot even look them in the eye since my face becomes red like a tomato and I start stuttering. I have never been in a relationship before, never kissed, and am a virgin. I also rarely meet any alpha type guys since my program has very few guys and most of them are pretty beta like and as for my workplace almost all of the people around me are females 30 + and I don’t really have many friends. Other than school and work, I don’t really have a life (depression), I have a horrible sleep schedule so I am always tired and am always a victim of procrastination. I have now slowly started to have new hobbies like knitting and cooking, but I don’t go anywhere out where I can meet people (don’t drink alcohol so bars and clubs are out), I thought about joining a gym to get fit (I’m pretty average, not too skinny), but my anxiety and shyness gets the better of me.
I would really appreciate any advice that can help me change myself for the better and may help me meet new people and hopefully have a ltr. Sorry if my post is really awkward, long/boring, all over the place, etc.
Submitted February 21, 2017 at 06:24PM by fushigi05 http://ift.tt/2kKuadU
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