I'm 21 now, I decided to go to college and after failing two terms and loosing my financial aid I decided to repeal for financial aid and go back this year. I failed mostly because I wasn't paying attention, I didn't know what was happening more 95% of the time. I had no motivation to do my homework and I just failed.
After I decided I wanted to go back to school I decided to talk to my doctor about ADHD meds. This lady told me how much it helped her son get a degree and start his own business, so I figured I should give it a try. My parents were very anti-drugs. They want to do everything all natural, but I've tried every natural remedy known to man and I literally noticed nothing when it came to my ADHD and focusing. Nothing worked. So I decided to try Adderall after my doctor recommended it. My parents were very skeptical at first but as soon as I took it it really helped so much.
My doctor first prescribed me 10mg, the first 5 days I had more energy than ever before. I was cleaning and doing things I normally have a hard time doing. A few weeks went by and it sort of mellowed out, I didn't feel that burst of energy after the first 3 to 5 days. Than after a month to month in a half it just wasn't working. My doctor upped me to 15, that worked much better, than she upped me to 20mg. Now I am up to 30mg of Adderall XR.
When I started taking the 15 and 20mg It worked for a few months. I could finally talk to people without having such horrible social anxiety, I could actually have a real conversation with people without wandering off and talking about something else, or forget what we were even talking about. I was less fidgety, I wasn't biting my lip nearly as much. I felt so much more motivation to get things done without procrastinating (Although I still haven't been able to clean my room or do the dishes, but I've been able to turn in my homework and pass my classes with an A and B). Even my mom noticed that I was doing way better. I wasn't lashing out in anger fits like I used to, I can have an actual conversation with people and I'm not so fidgety.
As much as the Adderall helps I've noticed that when I don't take it, I have literally no motivation what so ever. I will sit in my room all day on my computer or my phone and realize I just wasted a whole day doing nothing. When I forget to take my meds I have been experiencing some major depression, to the point where I feel hopelessness, I've thought of suicide but never actually thought of how, I've usually just brushed those thoughts aside, which is unusual for me(Well idk, I've had stages of depression in high school before, but they were really mild). I have no motivation, I feel like I can't think properly. When I take my meds I feel like I can organize my thoughts more clearly. When I don't take my meds I'm literally thinking of 5 things at once and I get overwhelmed easily, I will be overthinking things and I mean stupid things that will build up, I have huge anger fits out of nowhere. I can't concentrate or focus on anything. I sleep for 12-14+ hours in a day. I wake up feeling fatigued and achy, I have literally 0 motivation to do anything. Even something as simple as getting up and cooking myself something to eat. I am in this brain fog state where I feel like I can't think properly or even talk right (I talk fine but I get caught up in my words much more when I don't take my meds). I also noticed that I eat like crazy, I will eat and eat and eat and eat when I don't take my meds. If I got a bag of Doritos in front of me, I'll probably eat the whole bag, I've always sorta been like that. When I take my Adderall I'm not hungry throughout the day, I'll eat a big ass breakfast and a big dinner and I'm good. Which is really good because I'd eat whenever I got bored. I was at my heaviest I've ever been, but the Adderall has helped me to loose weight.
Is this normal for people with ADHD, should I feel concerned about how it's affecting my life like this? I am worried because when I don't take my meds I have a hard time with even work life. I've been written up and fired so many times and I feel like the Adderall is making my ADD worst when I don't take my meds. I'm not sure if I've always been like this or if I'm just noticing it a lot more. When I take my meds I feel so normal, like I can actually do something progressive. Everyone has always said It's just me being lazy but if it was laziness wouldn't I be able to control it? I just don't want it to affect my work. I noticed that I keep forgetting to take my meds and when I don't take them I feel the worst off days possible. I've even forgotten that I had work one day and got fired for not showing up. I completely forgot to check my schedule and I just was having an off day. But like I said, I'm not sure if I've always been like this, or if I'm just now noticing it more with my meds. When I was in High School I would not do well, I didn't turn in my papers, I got a lot of F's and D's. It's a wonder I even actually graduated. I don't think I should've been able to graduate.
Submitted December 28, 2016 at 10:59PM by Provoken420 http://ift.tt/2hy2Eic
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