This happened about two years ago in the summer when I was home from college.
So background story, I am infamous among my friends for being horrible at cooking because I get really impatient when it comes to food. I hate waiting for water to boil or waiting for the oven to preheat and I'm bad at following directions. I have flooded microwaves trying to make microwave mac n cheese, burnt soups, and unforgettably melted my mom's $400 wedding gift pot.
My mom loves to cook and often makes these delicious broths that she boils for hours on staying up during the night which she boils through the morning and turns the stove off in the afternoon.
On this particular morning, she made it on a weekday and therefore had to go to work in the morning and put me in charge of turning the stove off in the afternoon. I was like okay mom no big deal I can't fuck this up, wrong. After standing in the kitchen for a solid 2 minutes I get bored of waiting and take a nap setting the alarm for noon, fuck up number one.
When I wake up, I hear fire alarms going off and look at my phone feeling betrayed because my alarm never went off only to realize I had set the alarm for 12 AM instead of PM. I run downstairs to the kitchen to find it filled with smoke. I immediately turn off the stove and run to open all the windows and doors. I go back to the stove and lift the pot and lo and behold the bottom of the pot melted off from the rest of the pot, bubbling and hardening into molten metal.
I quickly bring the pot outside and try to scrape off the molten metal off of my glass stove with a spatula, fuck up number two. As I frantically scrape up a chunck of the hardening goo I hear my stove crack. I think "shit, I just melted a pot and cracked my stove all in one day this cannot get any worse", wrong.
Because I had opened all the doors and windows a freaking tarantula, A TARANTULA??!! (By the way this is in Georgia so tarantulas are not common here and I had never come across one until this day) crawled in through the door and made its way into the kitchen. Now this was when that viral video of the guy swatting a tarantula with a broom resulted in it exploding into million baby tarantulas. I had the maybe I shouldn't smack the tarantula thought in the back of my head but when that mother fucker moved I screamed and smacked it with a fly swatter, fuck up number three.
All hell breaks loose and it explodes into millions of baby tarantulas. I was mortified and tried to spray ant poison at it but by the time I found the spray can many of the baby tarantulas had made it way to different parts of my house.
I now had to call my mother telling her I almost set the house on fire, wasted her time and efforts going into the broth, melted her wedding gift pot, cracked the stove, and infested the house with tarantulas. My mom came home immediately and after getting an earful of anger and confusion she told me to make myself useful and move the bed in the third floor guest room to my room on the second floor. I rush over in shame and begin to move the box for the bed down the stairs until I see a baby tarantula crawling on the wall and drop the corner of the bed box on my foot. I whailed in pain and just broke down and cried like a bitch.
My mom rushes over and starts laughing at how ridiculous I am and said "poor sharonoelee nothing ever goes right does it" and deems I had enough and makes me sit on my bed and keep my hands to myself so I don't cause any more accidents.
It was a horrible day and I had a persisting limp for a good 2 weeks, but I can laugh about it now.
TL;DR: forgot to turn off stove, almost burn down my house, melted my mom's wedding gift pot, cracked the glass stove scraping the melted pot off, tarantula entered in through opened door, when I smacked it, it exploded into millions of baby tarantulas infesting my house, fun stuff.
Submitted January 13, 2017 at 01:41AM by sharonoelee http://ift.tt/2jKRNBZ
No comments:
Post a Comment