I met him last year. He was in my program at the time, and we eventually went out. I really enjoyed him. He was intelligent, kind, respectful, funny and a little nerdy. I will never forget the first time we kissed it was like the ones in fairytales. I never fell so hard. Unfortunately after the program we had to go back to our home towns which were 8 hours away. We decided to have a casual long distance relationship. I remember the first few days away were physically painful for me.
Eventually during the summer he drove all those hours in the car to come and see me. We had a great time cuddling, watching movies and cooking. I never wanted him to leave. Once he did yet again I felt physical heart ache. I realized while being away from him that there was no one else I wanted to be with. I still believe it today.
Over the summer I moved again for another job and he even drove to the new place where I was living. Although this time the visit didn't feel right. I felt that there was some kind of bad news coming. We had some small arguments, but we still held each other at night. I just felt there was this negative energy coming from him, as if he was sick of me. It hurt really bad. I felt that maybe I wasn't good enough for him. I felt that he was done and ready to move on. I asked him if he wanted me to visit him in his hometown but he said stuff like he doesn't know, and he was busy. I felt very distant from him, and it broke my heart in two.
During his first visit we both mutually made the plan that after summer we would have to take a break so I can focus on school, but he said if I ever needed to talk to him I could call him, and he would always be my friend. I tried to contact him a few months into school and he never answered. Maybe a few months later I messaged him again, this time he answered but nothing elaborate. Finally I messaged him on New Year's Eve and pretty much said I miss him, and asked if I should hold onto these feelings. He never responded. I know messaging him over and over again was a huge mistake, but man when you fall hard you go nearly insane.
I try to get over him by going out with other people, but I can barely get through half the date without realizing this guy is never going to live up to him in my mind. I just felt so safe, and comfortable with him. I went through some traumatic shit that year and he knew about some of it but not all of it. But he did help me, and supported me through it. I wonder if that's why I'm so attached. I wish now I could tell him the whole story. I lied to him a few times to cover some of it up. I wish I just would have been honest with him. I hope that one day he'll come back for me. There's honestly no one else I want to be with other then him.
Submitted January 16, 2017 at 03:40AM by MTgurlhighonlife http://ift.tt/2iZnCmK
No comments:
Post a Comment