Why did you hate me, Mom?

I know we haven't talked for a long time, but I really want to know about this. It seems your earliest stories are all about how much trouble I caused you - how could I be born so close to the holiday? You had to spend Christmas in the hospital.

And then, when you brought me home, you have a "funny" story you always liked to tell about how you put my bed by the sliding glass door and then were gone for "just a moment," and when you bothered to look at me again, I was covered in a snowdrift. You liked to tell the listeners how peacefully I was sleeping, but even I knew how quickly a newborn goes into hypothermia.

I never stopped trying to get into your good books, though, doing all the laundry for the family, taking care of the younger kids, even dangerous things like cooking for everyone when I was way too young to be doing anything like that (resulting in multiple burn scars on my hands), and chopping wood for hours at 8 or 9. I could barely lift that sledgehammer over my head, and probably nearly brained myself a bunch of times, but I kept going. I even did well in school, but nothing I ever did seemed to please you; you always criticized how I did it, or what I left undone. But still, I kept trying to win you over until you and Dad threw me out at sixteen. He told me that you both would kill me if I stayed, and I believed him. I fled with the few things I could fit in my purse.

I even tried later on, as an adult, to forge a good relationship between us, but the way you like to verbally stab me in the back, maybe by telling other people what a perfect childhood your kids had while I was standing right there, or the way you and Dad would try to get money out of me or a million other small cuts were finally more than I could take.

So, I wanted to take this opportunity to ask you, why did you hate me so much? Did I do something wrong? Was it so unforgivable to just be me that you couldn't stand the sight of me? You told me so many times how worthless, stupid, and ugly I was, and how you wish I'd never been born. Now, I am successful in life, I have a husband and am loved by him and many others, so I couldn't have been all that bad, but still I wonder what on earth I did for you to treat me that way. I am good at loving people, so I still love you, and the rest of our family, although they treat me like you do, but I can't be around you people anymore. I hope you all find happiness somewhere, far away from me.

Submitted March 08, 2017 at 12:42PM by Revenant571 http://ift.tt/2mBYIy1