I lost my best friend and life partner in 2008 to suicide. He was a gift to me personally and to this earth. Smart, lovely, caring, fiercely intelligent and kind, a mentor to so many. Left this earth rather than face death and disability due to a terminal health condition, of which I knew nothing about. He will be forever missed in my heart but my life was so enriched by knowing him.
As you can imagine, life for me after this loss was bleak. Talk about nuclear winter. I didn't see the point in going on. I nearly didn't. Some of the best advice I ever got was to make each day about making the very best decisions that you can, based on the evidence on hand. Your life going forward will be authored by the sum of these good decisions. Trust me. You can absolutely author a life worth living, one good decision at a time.
Baby steps. Some days, the only good decision I made was to make myself something nutritious to eat. Or have a shower. I was back to basics. Other days, I would set my microwave timer for 5 minutes and promise myself that I would do just ONE thing for that 5 minutes: wash the dishes, clean the toilet, make scrambled eggs. And then, at the end of that 5 minutes, if I felt no better, I could go back to bed and pull the covers up over my head and try to forget. Somehow, the 5 minutes would often - but not always - turn into me being vertical, getting going. Primed the pump. I still use this technique when I'm stuck. I just give myself 5 minutes to try and work on something difficult, to nudge it forward. Promise myself just 5 minutes. Often it breaks the dam.
These days, 8 years later, I've come a long, long way. I went back to work fulltime in my late 50s after 8 years off. Is going well. Life is full and rich. I reconstituted myself in so many ways. Got diagnosed properly with hormonal exhaustion, got on bioidentical hormones and started on the long road back to health. Started eating properly. Found wonderful mentors online: Chris Kresser, Dr. Kelly Brogan, Dr. Sara Gottfried, Dr. Christianne Northrup. Diagnosed my adrenal fatigue - the result of overwhelming traumatic grief and sudden loss - and got it treated, largely through diet and bioidentical hormones.
Got off all the antidepressants and finally off the sleeping medication (a benzodiazepine like z-drug, zopiclone). Recovered from that - took me 3 years to feel well again after tapering the zopiclone. Found the online support group www.benzobuddies.com and got educated. Tackled my health issues one by one - I'm pretty healthy fundamentally and have always been athletic but the traumatic loss melted me down. Got my health back, my sleep back.
Started really working on my social network and relationships. Started going to church for the first time, more spiritual than religious but I went to our local Anglican church for the community. Made friends, real ones. Started giving back to my community, volunteering. Run a group for people coming off of benzodiazepines and sleeping medications to give back.
Found Jay Uhdinger's website and started mindfulness meditation. Wonderful website - needs a flash-enabled browser though. Found a lot of help in unusual places by talking about my journey and starting, for the first time in my life, to ask others for help. My family of origin story is a difficult one - was always told that it was important to be self reliant. Pathologically so. Now, I reach out for help and advice when I'm stuck.
Little by little, I climbed out of that hole. I authored my life going forward, one good decision at a time. I could see, at my worst, that clearly staying in bed all day with the covers over my head would prevent some bad things from happening to me but it also prevented ANY and ALL good things from happening too! I also found that getting out of a rut is helped by sometimes not directly attacking the thing that keeps you stuck but by obliquely stepping away from that "roadblock" and doing even just one new thing that you've never done. For me, starting my support group helped auger me forward to a new head space, a new perspective, I found new energy and motivation. Helped me get back on my feet. If you can, join on Meetup.com and find some new free group activities. Do something you've always wanted to do but never have done. Paint. Grow some plants. Get out in nature. Get some sunshine on your body. Take a cooking class. Join a group as a volunteer. Help just one person today. Sprinkle some sunshine around your world, call a friend, invite someone you like but don't know for a cup of tea. Clean a closet. Go to the gym and just go in the hot tub. Have a bath with epsom salts. Read a good book, an old friend, one more time. Dig out some old photos and letters. Join Reddit's secret santa and start making some really cool gift. Take the pressure off yourself to "be someone" and just be. Practise radical self love and radical acceptance. You are ok, just as you are. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. Today, for me, is a rest day. I'm kicking back, having endless cups of ginger tea, renewing my energy for the week ahead. I'm so glad to have survived those years and I can tell you, I learned a lot. Happy to give back.
Submitted December 24, 2016 at 04:27PM by musingsofaninnocent http://ift.tt/2i3W6F3
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