My SO and I have been together for a long time. We've both been unhappy and have decided to move apart. He got a new apartment and I've got a new roommate etc. We I think were/are worried we are making the wrong choice sometimes though I think we both know it is right. we just have some major life things that don't match up.
But its been hard. we're close to each other's families and while he was waiting to move in, we were still living in the same house and kind of doing similar things, ie. cooking dinner, chatting etc. He really is/was my best friend so its been super hard.
He did tell me that he has had an emotional connection with a mutual friend that he feels guilty about but they've never done anything. He even had a conversation with her about how just b/c we're breaking up he won't start dating her right away. He did say though that he hasn't "officially" cheated but may as well have given their connection. Which was hard to hear for me but I wasn't surprised given how little we'd been talking about important things.
That's just background. Problem is here I'd been trying to mentally prep myself for when he moved out and had to make significant effort to keep myself from crying randomly. So I went to a holiday party with my coworkers and got supremely drunk (something I hardly ever do) and long story short I ended up going home with a friend of my coworker's in a super uncharacteristic way. I have seriously never done anything like that before. Until this event I'd only ever had sex with my SO. And luckily it was totally fine. He's super sweet and understanding but obviously my ex (who was still at our house) is super pissed. He has since left to stay with his parents before moving into his new place.
I have some weird issues with sex/intimacy anyways (raised super religious, not anymore) and we've had to work those out over the 10 years but its been a process. Anyway. He was kin
my ex/SO was pissed. was planning on leaving to stay with his parents for a few weeks anyways and I was too much of a coward to come home before he did. It was so fucked up - I should have let him know where I was - he called my coworker to ask where I was at like 5:am. Once he found out he was almost more pissed i didn't tell him where I was. Then also sent me a text about how he'd moved all the pillows into our bedroom (he's been sleeping in the office) hoping I would sleep there when I got back.
I've spent the last 24 hours crying, sleeping and not eating(thanks to the worst hangover I've ever had) and just don't know what to make of myself. I've blasted up any ideas I had of myself and self control and am super ashamed of it. but at the same time don't regret it and it really made me realize some of the stuff that's been missing in my past relationship for years. I also though really think this new guy is sweet and don't want to hurt him too in this whole process. He broke up with his long term GF earlier this fall as well and I feel bad like we're both in similar places and behaving uncharacteristically and I don't want to make it complicated. Also fun fact. pretty sure my coworker (that the SO called to check on me) had a crush on me (I'm not into him like that at all) and I just went home with his best friend. Fuck.
tl;dr: Going through long/sad/break up move out with SO, got drunk and made out with co-worker's friend. So confused about how to move forward with 1) ex/SO in light of me feeling like a piece of shit, but him also admittedly being emotionally connected to someone else 2)the new guy who turns out is actually super sweet and 3) my friend/coworker that I feel like I kicked in the face a little.
Submitted December 18, 2016 at 07:58PM by jicopredra http://ift.tt/2hgBnN9
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